By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
