I wanna bring you to show and tell
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
