Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
