she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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