Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
