And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
