i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
