I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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