i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
