i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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