After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
