i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
