hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
