Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Everything about him screamed your future.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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