Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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