theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
