He is like the real live version of the state fair..
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
