Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
