Got a toothbrush?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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