if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
