maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
