it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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