you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
