You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
