the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
