Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize