For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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