I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
