My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
