She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just high enough for therapy.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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