today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
third nipple confirmed
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
