My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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