I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
