Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
