if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
