you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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