Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
