I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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