i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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