I like to think it a success when the cops are called
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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