just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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