i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
