hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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