Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
