Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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