I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
