Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
