I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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