OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
