I can text with my tongue
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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