do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize