I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
