M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
