She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
