just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
