I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
