all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
