And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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