I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
