Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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