She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
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