I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
