My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
