did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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