dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
