Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize