Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
