when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize