she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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