You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
