let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
