i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
