Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
