you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
