no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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