So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
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