Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
smell my finger.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
