So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Did I show you my penis last night?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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