if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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