so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
