please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize