I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
