Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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