I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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