I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
