I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
