There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
