I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
