I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
