I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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