I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
