she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
