just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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