yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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