oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
