Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
